Development tips

Topic of the month | connectivity

Without human connectivity, we feel isolated, estranged and long for something more. Do we realize that there is a key factor in each Enneagram type-structure that distances people of that type from the connectivity they most desire?

Enneagram One
Key factor: Control
Ones like and need to feel in control of themselves – as in self-controlled – and in the situations of their lives. In close connections, however, more spontaneity is required and other people don’t like the feeling of being controlled by someone else. This gives Ones something to work on.

Enneagram Two
Key factor: False independence
Twos like to perceive themselves as independent people, but this is, in fact, a false perception of reality. Twos are among the most dependent of the Enneagram types; Twos, unless they engage in deep development work, depend on positive reactions of others for their self-esteem. This gives Twos something to work on.

Enneagram Three
Key factor: Utilitarianism
Threes are always moving forward, with eyes on the goal and a desire to stay on their path. Because of this, their relationships with others can become more utilitarian than authentic – in other words, a means to an end. Other people sense this and desire more realness and authenticity in the human connection. This gives Threes something to work on.

Enneagram Four
Key factor: Expectation
Fours, almost more than any other Enneagram type, seeks human connectivity. However, high and often unrealistic expectations, get in their way. Fours want and even demand deep and constant connectivity; otherwise, they get terribly bored or deeply disappointed. There is, in fact, a vast variety in the forms of connectivity. Find them! This gives Fours something to work on.

Enneagram Five
Key factor: Moats with few bridges
Fives, in many ways, long for human connectivity, but doing so would require them to build more bridges across the moats they have created to keep themselves separate from others. This gives Fives something to work on.

Enneagram Six
Key factor: Suspicion
Sixes like people and they don’t like people, both at the same time. The Six’s suspiciousness and doubt of others is the prime culprit in their connectedness with others. Human connectivity requires trust and constancy. This gives Sixes something to work on.

Enneagram Seven
Key factor: Shiny objects
Sevens like to engage with others, and while this may feel like connectivity in the moment, it can quickly evaporate. In particular, this occurs when Sevens reach for the next “shiny object” that captures their attention instead of staying still and connected. This gives Sevens something to work on.

Enneagram Eight
Key factor: Fear
Eights are an anger-type enneatype, so why the word fear? The answer is that when it comes to sustained human connectivity – think of this as a form of intimacy – Eights get scared. For example, they feel afraid of being vulnerable, afraid the other person will go away, concerned that others will find out something about the Eight and then become rejecting. This gives Eights something to work on.

Enneagram Nine
Key factor: False connectivity
Nines are typically good at creating rapport with others, but this is not the same as a deeper level of human connectivity. To keep rapport going, Nines disconnect from the deeper parts of themselves. To build true connectivity, they have to reach inside and experience themselves more fully. This gives Nines something to work on.