WORLDVIEW: There is profound despair from our lack of deep connections: I must re-establish these.
FOURS desire deep contact with their own interior worlds and with other people, feeling most alive when they authentically express their personal experiences and feelings.
Individualistic, emotionally sensitive, and creative, Fours seek deep meaning, authentic connections, and they tend to idealize that which seems unavailable, being especially attuned to what is missing in their complex worlds. Focusing on their internal experiences as a way of understanding and finding meaning, Fours seek to be deeply understood and want to be perceived as unique, special, or different.
Although all Fours have a special connection to suffering and have robust, complex inner lives full of nuance and symbolism, some Fours are hyper-active and risk-taking, silently enduring their suffering as a badge of virtue; some Fours are hypersensitive and more despairing, wanting to be accepted unconditionally for who they are; and other Fours exhibit a flair for the dramatic and engage in extreme competition with others in hopes of winning, thus minimizing their sense of not being good enough.
In the following YouTube segments, short clips that reveal two famous Fours – Princess Diana and Anthony Hopkins – you will see the Four interpersonal style very clearly. They combine an abundance of self-referencing language – that is, the extensive use of words such as I, me, my, and mine and the frequency of personal stories – with body language that communicates that they are in their own world even as they talk to another person. Listen to their emotion-laden and metaphoric language and observe the way in which they use their eyes and make (or don’t make) eye contact with their interviewers.
Note: Some Enneagram teachers believe Diana is a Two or a Six, and this could be the case. However, this video segment suggests otherwise. For example, Diana seems relatively at ease talking about her personal issues in public (most Twos would wince at the idea of revealing so much about themselves). Similarly, she does not manifest the palpable anxiety that would be expected of a Six discussing such a delicate and volatile issue.
Remember: While we can all suffer at times and almost everyone wants to be understood, for Fours, the pursuit of deep experiences and connection and the avoidance of rejection or feeling not-good enough is their primary, persistent, and driving motivation.
Princess Diana – Click here to see clip
In this segment, Diana discusses her heartbreak, analyzes the palace dynamics, and explains herself and her motivations. There is a coy, self-conscious, and deeply sad undertone to this interview.
Anthony Hopkins – Click here to see clip
Watch Hopkins discuss the film, Slipstream, which he both wrote and directed that appears to be an original creation of his mind alone. While he talks to the audience, he is also talking to himself, trying to express his complex ideas about humanity and consciousness in ways that can be understood. In a sense, he comes across as highly authentic but also highly conscious of self.