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…Make yourself easy to work with!

To be successful, happy and satisfied, we also need to be easy to work with. Obviously, the other person’s behavior also matters, but our own behavior is the only thing we can directly control. In addition, when we are easier to work with, we cause less stress for both ourselves and others. Here’s how you can be easier to work with.


Rather than trying to make everything perfect – you, others, the work situation, and the job at hand – work toward allowing yourself to be more accepting, flexible and relaxed. In addition, instead of continually relying on your judging mind, look for the good in others and what occurs.


Rather than focusing on what others need and working so hard to be there for other people, focus as much on what you need as well as your own self-care. The more you take care of yourself, you’ll feel less fatigued, less concerned about where you stand with others, and less reactive – thus making you easier to work with.


Explore your inner world of feelings rather than bypassing them in order to get work done. Without honoring your real feelings, you may become unintentionally abrupt and/or not acknowledge the importance of emotional relatedness with others. This may sound challenging to do, yet it will make you easier to work with.


Fours want to be easy to work with, yet their sense of feeling flawed in some way can lead to anxiety when working with others and a need for reassurance. In addition, some Fours become competitive with others as if winning at anything is equivalent to being understood. Increase your self-acceptance and relax your need to compare yourself with others.


In many ways, you are easy to work with. At the same time, others will find you easier to work with when they perceive they can “feel” you more than they normally do. You can appear unapproachable or distant to others who want warmer contact with you. This doesn’t mean you have to reveal all. It can mean spending a little longer asking people how they are and listening a little longer, then sharing what you want to when you want to.


You may, in many ways, be easy to work with, yet in other ways, be perplexing for people who engage with you. Why, for example, is someone like you who is so capable, also so  uncertain about how to proceed forward? Why, as another example, is someone like you who is insightful also prone to imagining something that might not be true. Anchor yourself in your body, access your gut reactions, and always ask yourself this: How does this [thought, feeling, behavior] serve me?


Put in three phrases; slow your speech (people will hear more of what you say); slow your breathing (you and people around you will relax more in response because we tend to mirror each other), and stay more focused (people will then be able to follow what you are saying and take you more seriously).


Be more receptive to ideas, to people you don’t yet trust, and to taking smaller steps in addition to the usual large ones. And remember to enjoy yourself in a more sustained fashion, without concern that it might all disappear without your efforts.


In some ways, you are easy to work with, even over-easy, if that is possible. Yes, you are easy-going and relaxed, but the you that is easy doesn’t represent the full you.  Nines have so much more to offer in terms of energy and ideas than they are normally willing to share. When there’s more of the robust you to work with, it will also be much easier and more fulfilling for you and those around you.

Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, author of eight Enneagram books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs and training tools for business professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications. TheEnneagramInBusiness.com | ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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