The three Enneagram styles that emanate from the Heart Center of Intelligence, Twos, Threes, and Fours, create an image for others to relate to – an image of likeability, success, and uniqueness, respectively – and then become dependent on the reactions of others for their sense of value and worth. Here are the five most important developmental areas for each Heart Center style and a simple, profound question coaches can ask clients of this style.

Key Development Desires for Twos

• To feel less exhausted and depleted
• To better help and serve others while also taking care of themselves
• To develop relationships in which they can truly count on others rather than ones in which they are the person others can count on
• To be able to say no and to express their real feelings without feeling guilty, anxious, or angry
• To be less dependent on the responses of others and more reliant on their own sense of real inner strength and solidity

One Simple Question: What do you really need; what are your deepest aspirations?

Key Development Desires for Threes

• To feel more successful without feeling the pressure of always having to prove themselves every time
• To have better, more meaningful, and longer-lasting relationships
• To be able to relax and just be, without feeling the need to constantly impress others
• To experience themselves  — especially their true feelings — at a deeper level
• To find out what they really want for themselves, apart from what they believe their goals should be based on their work or social context

One Simple Question: Aside from what you do, who are you deep down inside? 

Key Development Desires for Fours

• To know more about themselves at the deepest levels and then become more truly self-accepting
• To make lasting connections with others that can be sustained without having to constantly engage in deep, meaningful, and intense interactions
• To be less volatile, emotional, and reactive and more calm, balanced, and satisfied
• To feel more capable of making things happen and to manifest their dreams rather than feeling that things happen to them
• To take in positive and negative feedback using refined filters to sort out what is true and useful from that which is not

One Simple Question: When you go underneath your kaleidoscope of feelings, what do you find?

You can read my new Enneagram-coaching book, Bringing Out the Best in Everyone You Coach (McGraw-Hill 2009), for comprehensive and subtle coaching methods, approaches, and techniques that work best with individuals of each Enneagram style.

This is the second of a three-part series on coaching with the Enneagram.