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Development | pain versus possibility

The push to feel less pain is a motivator, yet being pulled toward possibility is inspiring, empowering and transformative. To grow and develop, we need to acknowledge what pains or distresses us. To transform and sustain ourselves in this new state, we need to lean into what pulls us toward possibility.

Ones | Ones get pushed to grow by continuously and relentlessly striving to make themselves, others, and their environments better. Often instigated by feeling they have made a mistake, whether big or small, pain avoidance is a definite push, particularly when their internal self-critic gets highly activated and is turned on them or when this critic turns toward others and then people pull away from feeling judged.
Possible pull | What about the pull toward serenity and pure acceptance of everything as it is, not how it should be in a more perfect world? What would that look like and feel like? How much do you really want it?

Twos | Twos get pushed to grow when they feel depleted from over-extending their resources, including themselves, and then become confused internally and/or become even more other focused and lose touch with their own internal experience, particularly their needs, desires, and feelings.
Possible pull | What about a pull toward getting in touch with true desires to manifest, how you deeply want to make your own contribution, not invest your energy and self-worth so completely in helping others get in touch with and manifest their desires and intentions?

Threes | Threes get pushed to grow when they become isolated from others by focusing with such intensity on their own goals, results, plans, and work, or when they feel devastated by possible, looming or actual failure, as they define it – that is, not succeeding or not being respected for what they do.
Possible pull | What if you could be pulled by the possibility of valuing yourself for who you are beneath the roles you are in or the accomplishments you achieve? What if you could feel valued for transparency, honesty and kindness? What if you could feel the pull of freedom for knowing, being and doing what you truly and deeply want, rather than what you should want?

Fours | Fours get pushed to grow when they suffer too long or too much, when their comparisons become too constant or overbearing, and when they get in their own way of manifesting their most important intentions.
Possible pull | What if you could be pulled by the possibly of manifestation and greatness and the idea that you have all you need – you’ve simply not been seeing or experiencing it because you overlooked what was right in front of you all along?

Fives | Fives get pushed by feeling isolated from others, feeling entirely depleted for too long a time, and by a sense of being but not understanding how they feel so different, in their own perceptions, from others.
Possible pull | What if you could be pulled by the idea that you can replenish your resources anytime you want to from outside sources but that you just don’t know how, yet! Or that you can sustain your energy, get nurturing, and generate mutual reciprocal warmth with others through choice, will and pleasure?

Sixes | Sixes get pushed by wanting to not feel like their minds are so continuously one that there is not much peace of mind or the fear that something might be wrong with them because they seem so uncertain (or with counter-phobic Sixes who are tired of pushing against rather than moving toward something).
Possible pull | What if you could be pulled by the possibility of being able to relax whenever you want to for as long as you want to, or that you can change your mind and change your commitments without feeling guilty or disloyal or that you really can learn to trust yourself so much more if you simply trusted yourself more?

Sevens | Sevens are pulled by the possibility that the pain-push is less available to them, unless they have either done a great deal of self-work already or their pain avoidance has had them spiral downward so they must take a deep look inside.
Possible pull | What if you could be pulled by the possibility that experiencing your pain could actually propel you into real possibility? What if the pull to be whole rather than part-whole was based on avoidance of discomfort or perceived limitation could open your world to real possibility?

Eights | Eights are pushed to grow when their ability to get bigger and bigger wears thin and being big does not get them where they deeply want to go. They get pushed to grow, and this is a big push, when their defense mechanism of denial no longer works, people leave them, or they get physical in ways that are hard to remedy without growth.
Possible pull | What if you could be pulled by greatness of heart and mind as well as body? What if you could get pulled by letting go of the need to save people and situations so strongly and immediately and by recognizing that less is often more?

Nines | Nines are pushed to grow when they exert this push on themselves, not when it comes from the outside. Although it takes a lot for them to get to this place, when a Nine is pushed to this point, they are ready to go and often develop deeply.
Possible pull | What if you didn’t have to wait so long and could be pulled by finding your whole self through your body, finding and speaking your true voice whenever you desire, and standing up, literally and figuratively, when moved to do so and without apology?

Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of five best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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