Enneagram type-based obstacles to relationships | type 3

In this 10-part blog series, each blog covers a different Enneagram type, focusing on one essential way – of course, there are many per type – they get in their own way of having real relationships with others. These can be seen on the graphic above. Diving deeper, the blogs will connect the particular way the type creates specific obstacles in genuine relating to the issues and dynamics of that type. In addition, there will be one activity, process or idea that can relax or relieve this ego-based way we constrain ourselves from having what we deeply want in relationships.

Biggest obstacle | Over-focus on activities and roles; not revealing truer self
Having a real relationship requires both parties to (1) make time for the relationship because real relationships take time and nurturing; (2) be willing to be real with one another, and this includes disclosing information about oneself. Both of the above factors can be challenges for many Threes.

In terms of time for relationships, many Threes become so busy, – constantly on the move doing something – that they often say they don’t have that much time for relationships. In terms of self-disclosure, many Threes have challenges disclosing information about themselves that do not make them look good or maintain the image they have worked so hard to create and maintain. In addition, Threes often keep deeper or truer information about themselves hidden even from themselves. For example, they may not know what they actually feel about something, so how can they share this with someone else?

Suggestion
The first “task” – Threes like tasks – is to stop and engage in self-reflection. In what ways do you keep yourself so busy that you don’t make time for other people? Are you willing to stop doing some of these things and free up space in your life for relationships? How much time? What roles do you identify with and how might you be hiding behind a role so that you don’t actually understand how you feel, what you really want, and what motivates you? Which roles are you willing to explore and “unpack,” with “unpacking” meaning what makes the role so important to you, what price are you paying for identifying with this role instead of discovering who you are beneath the role? Finally, how willing are you to disclose information about yourself with others that may not conform to and confirm the image you like to present to others?

Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of seven Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs and training tools for business professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com | ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com