This 2nd blog in a series on how all of us exhibit the Fixations (Habits of Mind) normally associated with only one of the Enneagram styles begins with Resentment: Paying attention to flaws so that nothing ever seems good. We typically associate Resentment with Ones, but read on:
Here are just some ways in which Ones engage in thinking that leads to resentment:
* Thinking that continuously uses mental constructs that are judgmental and divides the world into something good or something bad; for example, right-wrong, correct-incorrect, appropriate-inappropriate, should-should not.
* In most situations, taking mental note of what’s wrong rather than what’s right
* Creating a stream of negative thoughts once a “mistake” is noticed; for example, “How could he do that?” “Why are people not more responsible?”
But Ones are not the only individuals who engage in thinking that leads to resentment. Here are some ways the rest of us do it, too!
Twos engage in resentment in many ways, including:
* Thinking about all they’ve done for others when there has been no (or minimal) reciprocation
* Playing over in their minds why their opinions/suggestions were not listened to as much as those of others
* Thinking about times when they or others have been ill-treated and wondering about why people do that
Threes engage in resentment in many ways, including:
* Thinking about why someone treated them in a way that showed a lack of respect for their abilities
* Reviewing the behavior of someone in authority who changed the rules of the game on them in mid-stream
* Not understanding why other team members would show such a lack of competence or commitment to the joint activity
Fours engage in resentment in many ways, including:
* Thinking continuously about what’s missing, what’s wrong with them, what’s wrong with others
* Wondering why others seem to have or get what they do not
* Thinking about how reality comes up short when compared to their internal dream or image of what something can be
Fives engage in resentment in many ways, including:
* Thinking about the intrusiveness and aggressiveness of others
* Imagining a negative strategic action they perceive another to be doing
* Pondering why someone has the right to make demands on them for time, personal information, and more
Sixes engage in resentment in many ways, including:
* Thinking about why other people are engaging in [perceived] negative behavior toward them
* Vexing about how someone in authority could treat them badly after the Six’s continuous display of dutifulness and loyalty
* Thinking about a negative scenario that will adversely affect them (even when the scenario has not yet occurred)
Sevens engage in resentment in many ways, including:
* When feeling restricted, thinking that no one has the right to restrain or limit them
* Thinking negative thoughts about another when the Seven is experiencing pain in relation to that person
* Rationalizing when they have actually done something that someone else perceives as below standard or unacceptable in some way
Eights engage in resentment in many ways, including:
* The dismissive thoughts that occur when someone they believe in squanders his or her potential
* The perplexed and plaguing thoughts that occur when they can’t make something important to them manifest
* The outraged thoughts that occur when they are not in control of something they believe is their right to take charge of
Nines engage in resentment in many ways, including:
* The thoughts that create the slow-burning anger after their opinions have not been taken seriously, and this has been building up for a while
* Thinking that others should be more open-minded and less one sided when they are in the midst of experiencing what is [in their opinion] highly unbalanced thinking and behavior
* Thoughts that occur after they perceive themselves as being taken advantage of for being so nice and accommodating.
Why is it important to recognize that all of us engage in the Habits of Mind normally associated with specific Enneagram styles? First, it helps us from thinking that someone else does it, but not us! Second, our awareness is enhanced.
Stay tuned for the next blogs about how each of us engage in Flattery, Vanity, Melancholy, and more.