What does it really mean to respect yourself and how can we learn to engage in true self-respect? Self-respect means we have self-esteem that is based in reality, and we believe we are truly worthy of being treated well, by both ourselves and others. Here are some thoughts about intrinsic self-respect for each Enneagram type as well as questions to consider.

ONES

Is your self-respect based on doing things perfectly, making as few mistakes possible, almost always having the right answer or opinion quickly, and continuously working on making yourself and everyone and everything else better? Although these may be attributes you possess that foster your self-esteem and self-respect, what price might you be paying for these? What else might there be inside you that could be a deeper and more constant internal source of self-respect?

TWOS

Is your self-respect based on being kind and thoughtful in word and action, putting your own needs secondary to those of others, and being generous or even overly generous to those around you even when you can’t afford to offer your resources without a great deal of personal sacrifice? Although these may be attributes you possess that foster your self-esteem and self-respect, what price might you be paying for these? What else might there be inside you that could be a deeper and more constant internal source of self-respect?

THREES

Is your self-respect based on gaining as much respect or admiration from other people for what to achieve and accomplish, for who you know and how you are known, and for the way you continuously present yourself as a capable person who knows how to get results and can get just about anything done well? Although these may be attributes you possess that foster your self-esteem and self-respect, what price might you be paying for these? What else might there be inside you that could be a deeper and more constant internal source of self-respect?

FOURS

Is your self-respect based on feeling you are a deeper and more complex human being than other people, on feeling different, special and unique as compared to others who adhere more to conventional expectations, and on being original and artistic, symbolic or aesthetic in ways others are not? Although these may be attributes you possess that foster your self-esteem and self-respect, what price might you be paying for these? What else might there be inside you that could be a deeper and more constant internal source of self-respect?

FIVES

Is your self-respect based on your ability to be cerebral and not swayed by the ups and downs and ins and outs of emotions, to be intellectual and mysterious while others are being non-logical or emotionally transparent, and your ability to need very little from others because you are so independent and autonomous? Although these may be attributes you possess that foster your self-esteem and self-respect, what price might you be paying for these? What else might there be inside you that could be a deeper and more constant internal source of self-respect?

SIXES

Is your self-respect based on your capacity to anticipate and solve just about any problem that arises, to be loyal and dutiful under almost all circumstances, to create tribes of people who can trust and support one another, and to engage in calculated risk-taking while embracing the complexities of life? Although these may be attributes you possess that foster your self-esteem and self-respect, what price might you be paying for these? What else might there be inside you that could be a deeper and more constant internal source of self-respect?

SEVENS

Is your self-respect based on your ability to think quickly, often faster than most other people, to process and integrate key concepts and ideas in innovative ways, and to keep things upbeat and positive in almost all circumstances? Although these may be attributes you possess that foster your self-esteem and self-respect, what price might you be paying for these? What else might there be inside you that could be a deeper and more constant internal source of self-respect?

EIGHTS

Is your self-respect based on taking action, making big things happen, acting bold and authoritative, and acting like you belong in charge of almost any situation you find yourself in? Although these may be attributes you possess that foster your self-esteem and self-respect, what price might you be paying for these? What else might there be inside you that could be a deeper and more constant internal source of self-respect?

NINES

Is your self-respect based on keeping the peace, seeing all sides of any situation as having equal merit, being able to facilitate others speaking up and being heard, and trying to ensure that conflict is minimized and harmony is maximized? Although these may be attributes you possess that foster your self-esteem and self-respect, what price might you be paying for these? What else might there be inside you that could be a deeper and more constant internal source of self-respect?

Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, author of eight Enneagram books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs and training tools for business professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications. TheEnneagramInBusiness.com | ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com